About Confession

I love being a Christian. Theological reasons aside, I so enjoy the Christian life - worship music, getting dressed up on Sundays, fellowship within the body, our beautiful traditions, corporate prayer, and mutual confession.

As an Evangelical, I don't participate in formal confessions as in the Catholic churches, but an integral part of every Christian's life is the discipline of confessing our sins to one another. Last night at small group, we broke into guys and gals and confessed to each other some besetting sins that we consistently struggle with, and then as a group, talked about how the truth of the gospel informed each of those situations.

It can be so hard to share, because we all know that the rest of the group is made up of people with problems - it's hard to face potential judgement or criticism or holier-than-thou attitudes. But when God is moving, the encouragement is so, so worth it. Praying for each other, and helping each other through the difficulties - it so helps me to walk in victory and to celebrate the power of God over Satan.

So yeah, being a Christian is pretty dog-gone awesome. :D

Wrapping My Troubles in Dreams

I keep losing my Anne-ness, these days. I get lost in a cloud of discontentment, wishing for a million different things I don't have. I want to live on campus, for instance. And I wish I had more friends here at school. I'm upset I don't have a good belt or a good mix. I don't like the weight I'm at right now... the list goes on and on.

I feel so embarrassed writing all those silly things down, and even more embarrassed to tell you that those silly worries have consumed me for the past couple of weeks. My eyes have been turned so inward that I've missed the beautiful things going on around me.

I've missed things like intentionally enjoying my beautiful family. I've neglected building up the incredible friendships I do have at church and other places. I've forgotten to thank God for the fact that I can sing at all!

I'm struggling with life as an adult... I know I'm being melodramatic, and that I'm probably still more child than adult, but I can't wrap my head around the notion that my childhood is slipping past me forever, and that I can't change any of what's already happened. I feel so locked in to the next 4 years here in my town, at ASU. When I tell my grandchildren stories about my college years, it's all going to have happened right here where I'm walking every day.

It's strange to have dreamed about something, whether that be adulthood, or being a college kid, or whatever, for so long, and then all of a sudden - it has come true! I'm really here. And sometimes I wish I was back in my dreamworld, where the imagined situations could change with my every whim.

It's kind of funny, but I never like to make a post like this until I've already decided on a course of action. I hate indecision!

So here's my plan:

1. Dig deep into God, into the joys of the gospel. I need some eternal perspective on my life! God's story, spanning thousands of years and millions of hearts, is full of joy and victory and deeper meaning. This is definitely something I want to live in, to drown in.

2. Keep dreaming! I'm not going to fantasize about how happy I would be, if only this or that happened, but I'm going to choose to walk through life with a dreamy glow around the edges. The ordinary stairs I claim every morning to the practice rooms on the 5th floor turn into graceful steps ascending into the heavens, bringing me closer to the beauty and creativity I know are waiting for me inside those little cubicles. See? It's all better already.

I'll keep you updated! :)

Today's a Special Day!

it's 10-10-10.

That makes me super happy.

What a Wonderful Day!

Even my 7:30 class was fantastic this morning, because we were talking about personality types and that's just so fascinating! I'm an ENFJ, and it turns out all the girls I sit around at choir are ENFJs too - no wonder we all get along. So yeah, lots of fun discussion in that class, bright and early as it was.

Theory class was difficult, as we tried to analyze secondary German, French, and Italian Augmented Sixth chords in inversion in *real music.* My brain still hurts from that part. I love theory because it's so interesting and intellectual, but it's really, really difficult.

And then, raptures of raptures!! I had a voice lesson with Sarah Jane McMahon! She's in town to sing Mabel with the Arizona Opera, and she's just fabulous. I love her voice to death, and she's so sweet, kind, and humble, despite her flowering career that brings her into contact with the greats like Placido Domingo. The lesson was so informative, and I feel like I sang really well.

Unfortunately, my iPod seems to have turned itself off halfway through the lesson, so I'm not sure if I got a recording of it. That would quite literally be a tragedy, so I'm putting off plugging the iPod in to my computer to see if I can coax it to give me something good. I hope I managed to record at least part of it.

Then we had this Finnish composer Jaakko Mäntyjärvi come hear our choir sing at school, and then he gave us a little talk afterwards with some Q and A time. How fascinating! We're singing some of his works next semester, and I'm really thrilled.

So combine all that with a great movement class and time with my best friend.... and yeah, that makes for a pretty fantastic day.

God is so good! I mean, He would be good regardless of my bad days or good days, but I really like that He's choosing to show me His goodness by pouring out all these blessings on me. It's definitely a very fun way to learn about His abundant grace and mercy.

When I'm Heartsore

Do bouts of heartsickness come with this age? The tangy, dreamy kind of ache that settles deep inside; the restless kind of longing that yearns for something - something more, something greater.

The only way I know how to deal with is it to run to my upright and sing old jazz songs.

I think it's part of being young, and in love with life but not with anyone in particular. I'm so glad to be alive, maybe especially because being alive means feeling things so deeply.

And isn't it romantic? Merely to be young on such a night as this?

Hello, October!

Usually I don't pay much attention to the month of October. I mean, September has my birthday and the beginning of school, and November heralds in the holiday season and cooler weather. October has to be endured... one more month of 100 degree heat before the welcome winter comes.

But this year... I don't know. I mean to make much of my October. You see, I want to start living more intentionally. Be bold in my friendships, but in a Christ-centered boldness, not out of a desperate need for human affirmation. I want to take risks in my performing - to sing and act and dance and never be afraid. So this October, as I have my first ASU choir concerts, begin rehearsals for Secret Garden, and settle into small groups at school and church, my aim is to offer each moment to God's service.

I'm excited to see what this month holds!

New Poem!

Ok, it's actually not new. I wrote it last April, but it's a little different from the kinds of poems I'm used to writing, so I was a little afraid to share it. But here it is - so be nice to it! :)

I walked to the edge of the sea,

And dipped my toes in the surf.

Touching the ocean is (to me)

Something like tasting a dream.

I crept up and sat by a lark,

Memorized its tremulous strains.

Hearing its song, even in part,

Is something like seeing through the dark.

I lay down beneath a pine,

Observed the branches and boughs.

Following each twisted vine,

Is something like tasting good wine.

I knelt beside a rose,

Closed my eyes and breathed.

Smelling such perfume, so close,

Is something like inhaling a poem.

I gathered courage to hold your hand,

To feel the softness of your fingers; which,

Intertwined together as we stand,

Look something like a wedding band.