I thank you God for this most amazing day

There is so much leaping greenly, dreams of skies, and a big old infinite YES! happening around here right now. The weather is absolutely perfect, the sunsets getting prettier each day, and my E flat has come in for the past 3 days in a row now!

I got to sing at the Kerr Cultural Center today for an appreciative audience that liked whatever noises came out of our throats - the best kind, in my opinion! I like singing.

My show is soo amazing - I've never been in a show of this quality before, and each night of tech rehearsals, some new magical elements is added. The lights, the costumes, the period hairstyles, the orchestra - it's all coming together and I'm so excited. I sit backstage most of the show helping to move sets around, and it's a really fun way to get my feet wet in this whole being-in-a-show-at-ASU business.

I pray at school every Monday with people from my choir, and it's such a taste of heaven. I love talking to God with other people. Yay for the body of Christ!

And, I got a mini-solo in my choir at school! It's all of four notes long, but it's really pretty and I'm super excited. And nervous. But mostly excited.

For I am a human merely being... and it's so marvelous.

(thank you ee cummings for beautiful words)

Snapshots of a Freshman Semester

Because I believe in moments, here are a few of my favorites from my first semester at ASU...

* Finding a man in the woman's restroom. We were both "shocked and slightly embarrassed."

* Falling twice on my scooter; breaking 3 different scooters; finally deciding to bring a bike to school instead. :P

* Eating dinner at the Barrett cafeteria with Josh and Ben and laughing and laughing and laughing

* Throwing kneepads at people while they sing (all for the sake of theater!)

* Having a surprise friend come be a shoulder to cry on one night when life and all this change was getting too overwhelming

So far, college is awesome. I'm still struggling with making friends and really finding a "group," but I'm doing better about not being afraid of people. I'm learning a lot, singing a lot, and discovering a lot about myself.

Like, for instance, the fact that I like food a *lot.* It's kind of a running joke with my friends Josh and Ben that I obsess about food, especially when it comes to the Barrett cafeteria, which is absolutely the most wonderful place to eat on campus. For a while, I kept making food analogies in my Human Event (philosophy/literature/history) class, until everyone started noticing. My group in Human Event is making a short film for our final project, and I am playing the part of Barrett Cafeteria.

I think my recent obsession with food has psychological reasons: as a kid growing up, I always spent a lot of time around the dinner table with my family, laughing and chatting and just generally finding joy in that environment. Now that I'm alone a lot on campus, I can find comfort when I'm eating, because of that link to my childhood.

Haha, or maybe I just like eating.

Life!

I love weddings.

I love the pretty dresses (and funky shoes), and beautiful music - I love the older generations blessing the new marriage. I love celebrating love and commitment. I love the awkward moments and how everyone is so quick to laugh, and so quick to cry.

So yeah, I went to a wedding on Friday night and it was awesome. I hear wedding bells ringing in the next year or so for some of my closest friends, and I'm really excited. Eeee!

I'm not so thrilled about my music theory test that I took Friday morning. It was *so* hard. Really, teacher, 3 enharmonic modulations for a total of 4 key centers all in a one page excerpt?

Other than that, school is going really well. I'm super excited for next semester, because I have almost all of my afternoons free. Super cool.

So yup, life is good, God is good, music is good. Peace out!

Sound Bite

From a dancer in the tour of Beauty and the Beast that is currently playing at Gammage, and who so kindly came and gave an artist talk to us LOT folks:

"In order to be a public success, you must first be a public failure."

That gives me so much courage as I slog through my intro to dance class, and as I try to come up with a decent sounding belt/mix. It's ok to make mistakes and humiliate myself - that's kind of what school is for! And... I totally did embarrass myself today in dance class... when the teacher stops counting the combo to laugh at you, you know you're looking pretty crazy. :D

Wrapping My Troubles in Dreams

I keep losing my Anne-ness, these days. I get lost in a cloud of discontentment, wishing for a million different things I don't have. I want to live on campus, for instance. And I wish I had more friends here at school. I'm upset I don't have a good belt or a good mix. I don't like the weight I'm at right now... the list goes on and on.

I feel so embarrassed writing all those silly things down, and even more embarrassed to tell you that those silly worries have consumed me for the past couple of weeks. My eyes have been turned so inward that I've missed the beautiful things going on around me.

I've missed things like intentionally enjoying my beautiful family. I've neglected building up the incredible friendships I do have at church and other places. I've forgotten to thank God for the fact that I can sing at all!

I'm struggling with life as an adult... I know I'm being melodramatic, and that I'm probably still more child than adult, but I can't wrap my head around the notion that my childhood is slipping past me forever, and that I can't change any of what's already happened. I feel so locked in to the next 4 years here in my town, at ASU. When I tell my grandchildren stories about my college years, it's all going to have happened right here where I'm walking every day.

It's strange to have dreamed about something, whether that be adulthood, or being a college kid, or whatever, for so long, and then all of a sudden - it has come true! I'm really here. And sometimes I wish I was back in my dreamworld, where the imagined situations could change with my every whim.

It's kind of funny, but I never like to make a post like this until I've already decided on a course of action. I hate indecision!

So here's my plan:

1. Dig deep into God, into the joys of the gospel. I need some eternal perspective on my life! God's story, spanning thousands of years and millions of hearts, is full of joy and victory and deeper meaning. This is definitely something I want to live in, to drown in.

2. Keep dreaming! I'm not going to fantasize about how happy I would be, if only this or that happened, but I'm going to choose to walk through life with a dreamy glow around the edges. The ordinary stairs I claim every morning to the practice rooms on the 5th floor turn into graceful steps ascending into the heavens, bringing me closer to the beauty and creativity I know are waiting for me inside those little cubicles. See? It's all better already.

I'll keep you updated! :)

What a Wonderful Day!

Even my 7:30 class was fantastic this morning, because we were talking about personality types and that's just so fascinating! I'm an ENFJ, and it turns out all the girls I sit around at choir are ENFJs too - no wonder we all get along. So yeah, lots of fun discussion in that class, bright and early as it was.

Theory class was difficult, as we tried to analyze secondary German, French, and Italian Augmented Sixth chords in inversion in *real music.* My brain still hurts from that part. I love theory because it's so interesting and intellectual, but it's really, really difficult.

And then, raptures of raptures!! I had a voice lesson with Sarah Jane McMahon! She's in town to sing Mabel with the Arizona Opera, and she's just fabulous. I love her voice to death, and she's so sweet, kind, and humble, despite her flowering career that brings her into contact with the greats like Placido Domingo. The lesson was so informative, and I feel like I sang really well.

Unfortunately, my iPod seems to have turned itself off halfway through the lesson, so I'm not sure if I got a recording of it. That would quite literally be a tragedy, so I'm putting off plugging the iPod in to my computer to see if I can coax it to give me something good. I hope I managed to record at least part of it.

Then we had this Finnish composer Jaakko Mäntyjärvi come hear our choir sing at school, and then he gave us a little talk afterwards with some Q and A time. How fascinating! We're singing some of his works next semester, and I'm really thrilled.

So combine all that with a great movement class and time with my best friend.... and yeah, that makes for a pretty fantastic day.

God is so good! I mean, He would be good regardless of my bad days or good days, but I really like that He's choosing to show me His goodness by pouring out all these blessings on me. It's definitely a very fun way to learn about His abundant grace and mercy.

A Whirlwind of Magic!

What a wonderful life mine has been! Just today, I got a backstage tour of Young Frankenstein (which is playing at Gammage), plus free tickets to see it tonight! And tomorrow, we have a dance masterclass with the cast. Super exciting stuff!

But besides that ... I'm making friends, and had dinner with a delightful girl who's in 4 of my classes this semester. I'm learning a lot, practicing a lot, hanging on to my grades by the skin of my teeth, and so pumped to start rehearsals for Secret Garden on Monday.

My days are packed from the time I get up (which is guiltily around 7:00 these days - though my alarm goes off a good hour before I actually tumble out of bed) to the time I go to bed, usually around 11:00. My dad commented that it was like full-time Interlochen, and it so is. Concerts every weekend, recitals/convocations during the week, choir, show rehearsals, theory class... and all the instrumentals walking around blowing on things! I had to wait a while for a practice room today, and I just loved studying to the cacophony of music streaming from all the little cubicles.

I still don't know about a 10 year plan, or about making money and paying bills, but I do know that being a music major is amazing in every way.

With a heart full of gratitude, I'm off to catch a few hours of sleep :)

Yes, please!

I just got back from a beautiful concert at ASU today: a piano professor collaborating with all kinds of different instruments, from strings, to woodwinds, to a soprano.

Can I say that I love Schumann? The elegance, the discipline, the delightful turns of phrase and the subtle emotions. And this might be weird, but I love hearing German diction. It's pretty incredible. So thank you, Carole Fitz-Patrick, for your lovely consonants and clear vowels.

Alright, now I'm definitely motivated to go practice - so I'll catch you later :)

I'm Back :)

So... Germany...

My prolonged absence is really quite inexcusable. I'm very sorry. Somehow, blogging is a discipline that gets quickly thrown by the wayside as soon as anything else comes up to interfere. But, I have given up facebook for at least the next month and a half, so Starry Wonders will again become the way I communicate with the online world.

Germany was incredible, but I feel like to recap it would be kind of odd at this point. So call me if you want specifics :)

Now, it's almost October, and I've settled into life as a college student here at my crazy campus. My days are so full of learning and working hard, meeting new people and developing older friendships, learning about God, and learning about myself, too. I've grown so much as a person since I started this blog however long ago, and I'm excited to see where God takes me next!

I wanted to share with all of you a beautiful new habit I've adopted thanks to my hilarious friend S. Every day, we make a point of recalling the "happinesses" that have happened during the day, and we text them to each other. It has so helped to keep me from being discouraged or mopey as I struggle with some of the harder aspects of transitioning to college. You should give it a try!

So today, my happiness list is this:

- A really fun dance session in class today

- Going to pass out fliers about our Crisis Pregnancy Center at a highschool football game

- Hugs from friends

- A light load of homework for the weekend!

What's yours?

Brick Walls

Sorry for the long absence - life got crazy :) But I'm ba-ack!

Today I had the most incredible coaching session with Tregony Shepherd this afternoon. Like, wow. She toured with Les Mis and Phantom, and did Les Mis on Broadway too. Her whole body radiates theater - she moves, speaks, and communicates like a real actress. Which she is, so go figure. I felt her pixie dust flying around the room as she worked.

I was in tears a couple times this afternoon as she transformed the other singers' pieces. We have some great voices at cc#1, but she took a pretty voice and a nice song into either a heart-wrenching drama or a cute, hilarious comedy, depending on the situation.

Honestly, I was so disappointed in how I sang. I feel like my technical abilities/dramatic skills are so much greater when I'm not performing or nervous. Go figure, right? But my future career is supposed to be performing, so it's so frustrating when performing is difficult and not satisfying.

I feel like I have all these emotions and motivations and ideas bouncing in my head that I want to communicate, but there's this brick wall between me and my audience. I can feel the moment in the song when I hit the wall and I just bang against it for the rest of the piece - it's a terrible feeling.

Tregony did help me communicate better, but I still feel frustrated. I don't know what to do except keep practicing, but I'm looking forward to when I'll be able to sing and touch my audience and bring them to tears. Soon, I hope.

Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch...

Open wide - breath in - inhale German.

That's pretty much my life right now: between lieder, my Bastien music, and prepping for my German final/oral final, I feel like I'm living German! Which is probably good - and actually, I should probably find ways to immerse myself even more in the language before I'm dumped in the country and left to fend for myself. I'm doing really well understanding conversations in German, but my vocabulary is so limited that I have a hard time coming up with my own phrases.

I don't know if you can tell from the picture I posted a couple weeks ago, but my hair is ridiculously, abnormally long, and I really need a cut. I'm trying to decide if I want to get highlights (yes, but is really a smart thing to do?), who I want to get my cut from, how much I want to spend, etc etc... I've been polling all my friends for advice, and they're pretty evenly split. I have to get it worked out in the next week or so before things get really tight before I leave :)

Music-wise, I'm currently prepping a Debussy Arabesque and a Rach prelude for my last piano recital, a musical theater piece for a fun workshop/coaching/recital extravangza at CC#1 next week, three pieces for juries at CC#1, three or four lieder for Germany, my Bastien music, "party" songs to bring to Germany, and... *inhale*. Actually I think that's it. I'm crunching right now as far as solidifying the technical elements of all of them, and am about half way memorized. What's kind of aggravating is that my teachers are all pushing me to focus on expression, on what message I want to communicate through my singing/playing. I just want to scream that I have NOTHING to say anymore at this point! I'm just focusing on surviving! I have no deep metaphysical thoughts that are dying to be expressed through music. I guess this is when I manufacture such interesting thinks?

Oh, and then I watched myself in a mirror today while emoting my "Light in the Piazza" song, and I kind of scared myself.... I have huge eyes and very jumpy, very thick eyebrows, and with all the contortions I worked my face into, it was a little creepy. Maybe I should tone down the facial expressions...

Crunch Time!

So, I officially leave the country in 5 weeks. Oh. my. goodness.

You wouldn't believe the amount of things I'm going to do between then and now! Just little things, like graduating (+ grad party). Or vocal juries at the community college. And finals. Oh, and buying stage makeup for myself. And learning my opera. And dialogue {in German}.

How exciting! I get all hyper just reading that list. Ok, slightly nervous and stressed too. But mostly excited. I started memorizing my Bastien music today, and read through the dialogue a couple times... maybe I should be further along in the process? I have no clue. It's all firsts for me!

And my German homework is staring at me right now, looking so lonely and neglected that I really should pick it up. So tschüss!

Speaking of the impossible...

It's official - I got accepted into the music program at Arizona State.

So excited!!!!

the song is my lover

On Friday night, I did my last mic check on CGCC's stage, where I also did my first mic check ever. On Friday night, I had my last curtain call behind those curiously colored purple drapes in the PAC. On Friday night, I sang and danced my little heart out. It was a good Friday night.

So Pirates is over - and I'm kind of glad to be done with that ridiculous daughter that I was playing. Shrieking and giggling and swooning are all well and good, but it can make my social life a little awkward when the extremities of the daughter-ness start rubbing off into everyday life. Hopefully I'll resume my normal level of social interactions now.

Yesterday was a big day too - I had my senior pictures taken by the absolutely fantastic Kate, voice lessons, a huge farewell party at my house for some church friends, and a dance at a local LDS stake center.

Let me just say - I love dancing.

I'm a terrible dancer. I trip, and step on people, and talk too loud, and giggle too much. But I love every minute of it. And now I love it more.

Because last night - I got dipped.

I've never been kissed, but I think being dipped is like being kissed. The world just swirls around you, and all you know is that you feel beautiful and you should be sprawled on the ground, but instead you're being supported and protected.

I don't really know the guy who I was dancing with, and I'm not attracted to him or anything - and that made the experience even more special. Just a guy, being a gentleman and a good dancer, and no unwanted overtones to ruin the experience.

So spring break started off on a good note - full of singing and dancing and loving life.

Oh, and a great service at Praxis this morning!

For the love of theater

more run-throughs.

more sore feet.

more giggles backstage.

more surreptitious naps when I'm not otherwise occupied.

more love. more laughter. more life.

I love this. I really do. And I'm exhausted... so tired. But I have promises to keep/and miles to go before I sleep...

Why would i want to sleep, anyway, when living is so wonderful?

The roar of greasepaint and the smell of the crowd

Theater magic.

There's a boy in my cast at school who has magic. The kind of magic that makes you stop and look, that makes you laugh hysterically, that makes you feel from the bottom of your heart. And as a cast member, I can watch as the magic is born. A simple direction like "stand here, then walk to this point at measure 13" is turned into a hilarious routine promising to steal the show.

Make-believe magic.

I watched an old Judy Garland and Gene Kelly movie tonight. They had magic too.

Sometimes, I think I have magic.

That's a big claim. So I just whisper it to myself. Magic.

And it's not all the time. But every now and then, I will sing something, or look something, or say something, and I can feel the magic. Today, for four bars of my intro music at a studio class at school, I had magic. I'm savoring it, storing it up for when tech rehearsals are painful and my feet hurt from prancing about stage.

I'm singing a song for voice lessons right now called "The Light in the Piazza." Watch this video of it, and you will see the magic I'm talking about. But be careful.

Theater magic, once tasted, won't ever let you go.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's Valentine's Day! How happy :) I don't have a significant other, but God chose this day to reveal His love and redeeming power to me in brand new ways, so I am feeling exceptionally cherished today despite my lack of a man. Plus, my darling parents got me scrumptious chocolate, so I've been cheating on my healthy food diet and eating little heart candies while finishing up some homework.

But! Even happier news! Last week I brought up three of my grades from Bs to As, *and* I hardly have any homework this weekend. So I've been relaxing, chilling with family and friends, getting on facebook (guilty look...), and watching Olympics. It's been good.

Did I mention yet how completely in love with Jesus I am? It's been really special this past week. :)

And, I've fallen in love with something else, too - Praxis Church! It was my fourth time going this week, and it just keeps getting better and better. It has challenging, Biblically sound teaching, incredible music with passionate and intelligent lyrics, friendly and energetic people, kind pastors, and a deep-rooted intentionality that marks every decision the church makes. I just love it there, and am looking forward to getting more involved.

And, mark your calendars - Pirates of Penzance is running the first weekend of March and it will be absolutely hilarious! Do come!

Audition: Check

Well, it's over. I've auditioned.

And it feels so good!! I just got back from a trip with my little brother to indulge in one of the most-forbidden foods for singers - ice cream! What a nice reward for all my hard work.

The audition itself was only 10 minutes long, though I was at the school for around 4 hours this afternoon. Lots of anxious waiting! It was a day full of God-moments, from praying in the car with my dad before we stepped foot onto the campus, to finding out my collaborative pianist is a Christian, to the encouraging texts my friends kept sending me.

Right before I entered the audition room, I remembered a quote my dear friend JG had sent me a few weeks ago - "Enjoy this moment: this moment is your life." I breathed in for a moment, relishing my nerves and the excitement and the thrill of it all. Then, I breathed out and walked into the recital hall, where I sang my little heart out for a few minutes.

The sightsinging test did not go so smashingly, but the rhythm test did go quite well.

I feel peaceful, fulfilled, and content. Even if nothing comes of it all, what a wonderful experience. What a wonderful moment. I plan on savoring it for the rest of my life.

The audition this weekend has cast into sharp relief all sorts of ideas about who I am, who God is, and what my purpose is on this earth. Call me dramatic, or what you will, but I take big moments very seriously :)

I mean, if I don't get into ASU as a music major, then what happens to the past 3 years of my life? Did I waste those thousands of dollars, hours of practice time, forsaken foods, missed parties, and on and on the list goes? Big dreams are beautiful when accomplished, but I, in a way, have gambled my highschool years on the possibility of getting accepted to a reputable music program.

Then today in choir, we were singing a song called Pasture, and the music touched my heart in a way it hasn't been touched for a long time. It felt like God literally reached down and held my heart in His hand, relieving my fears and just wrapping me in His love. Music brings me close to God in a way nothing else can.

And so it hit me.

If this was the last week I was ever able to sing, it was worth it.

If the last note I sang was the last note I'll ever utter, it was worth it.

Because when I sang, I felt His pleasure.

I audition for ASU in 8 days. Oh. My. Goodness.

I met today with the collaborative pianist who will be playing for me, and it was so reassuring. I realized I actually do know my pieces, I can sing them on pitch, and I am entirely and completely ready to go. I've been working on my two songs - and only these two songs - for the past three months (and I'm not even kidding), and I am so excited to finally get to show my stuff to the audition panel.

But on the other hand, I'm so extremely nervous that I will sing terribly, not get accepted, and will never be a singer after all. This is a huge lesson in trusting God, and I don't think I'm getting a very good grade! My whole family will be relieved when the audition is over - we're all on edge here in my house, and my brother's cold hasn't helped anything. (What will I DO if I get sick??? Why did he have to pick this week to get sick??) I'm officially quarantined from him, actually - my mom won't let us go near each other.

I'm working on some lieder to sing for Bill Reber and Eckart Sellheim (who are both involved with the Germany program), and it's so much fun! I love Schubert, and I love how German feels in my mouth - it's a very forward language, and it does good things for my vocal chords. I had to call them both today, and it was so intimidating! I'm such a greenhorn, and they are both such excellent professionals. But they seem so nice, and they really do just want to help students improve.

In my non-music thoughts... I am so ready for church on Sunday. This week at school was tough, and I am failing in a few areas I really wanted to excel in. I need some serious, focused Jesus time this weekend to get me back on track.