Snapshots of a Freshman Semester

Because I believe in moments, here are a few of my favorites from my first semester at ASU...

* Finding a man in the woman's restroom. We were both "shocked and slightly embarrassed."

* Falling twice on my scooter; breaking 3 different scooters; finally deciding to bring a bike to school instead. :P

* Eating dinner at the Barrett cafeteria with Josh and Ben and laughing and laughing and laughing

* Throwing kneepads at people while they sing (all for the sake of theater!)

* Having a surprise friend come be a shoulder to cry on one night when life and all this change was getting too overwhelming

So far, college is awesome. I'm still struggling with making friends and really finding a "group," but I'm doing better about not being afraid of people. I'm learning a lot, singing a lot, and discovering a lot about myself.

Like, for instance, the fact that I like food a *lot.* It's kind of a running joke with my friends Josh and Ben that I obsess about food, especially when it comes to the Barrett cafeteria, which is absolutely the most wonderful place to eat on campus. For a while, I kept making food analogies in my Human Event (philosophy/literature/history) class, until everyone started noticing. My group in Human Event is making a short film for our final project, and I am playing the part of Barrett Cafeteria.

I think my recent obsession with food has psychological reasons: as a kid growing up, I always spent a lot of time around the dinner table with my family, laughing and chatting and just generally finding joy in that environment. Now that I'm alone a lot on campus, I can find comfort when I'm eating, because of that link to my childhood.

Haha, or maybe I just like eating.

Sound Bite

From a dancer in the tour of Beauty and the Beast that is currently playing at Gammage, and who so kindly came and gave an artist talk to us LOT folks:

"In order to be a public success, you must first be a public failure."

That gives me so much courage as I slog through my intro to dance class, and as I try to come up with a decent sounding belt/mix. It's ok to make mistakes and humiliate myself - that's kind of what school is for! And... I totally did embarrass myself today in dance class... when the teacher stops counting the combo to laugh at you, you know you're looking pretty crazy. :D

Happynesses

I love not doing homework during lunch because I'm chatting with friends.

I love the feeling of a great big world just waiting to unfold in front of me.

I love listening to CDs my friends burn for me.

I love singing really, really high.

I love dancing to the music in my head.

I love *finally* being happy again! :D

Wrapping My Troubles in Dreams

I keep losing my Anne-ness, these days. I get lost in a cloud of discontentment, wishing for a million different things I don't have. I want to live on campus, for instance. And I wish I had more friends here at school. I'm upset I don't have a good belt or a good mix. I don't like the weight I'm at right now... the list goes on and on.

I feel so embarrassed writing all those silly things down, and even more embarrassed to tell you that those silly worries have consumed me for the past couple of weeks. My eyes have been turned so inward that I've missed the beautiful things going on around me.

I've missed things like intentionally enjoying my beautiful family. I've neglected building up the incredible friendships I do have at church and other places. I've forgotten to thank God for the fact that I can sing at all!

I'm struggling with life as an adult... I know I'm being melodramatic, and that I'm probably still more child than adult, but I can't wrap my head around the notion that my childhood is slipping past me forever, and that I can't change any of what's already happened. I feel so locked in to the next 4 years here in my town, at ASU. When I tell my grandchildren stories about my college years, it's all going to have happened right here where I'm walking every day.

It's strange to have dreamed about something, whether that be adulthood, or being a college kid, or whatever, for so long, and then all of a sudden - it has come true! I'm really here. And sometimes I wish I was back in my dreamworld, where the imagined situations could change with my every whim.

It's kind of funny, but I never like to make a post like this until I've already decided on a course of action. I hate indecision!

So here's my plan:

1. Dig deep into God, into the joys of the gospel. I need some eternal perspective on my life! God's story, spanning thousands of years and millions of hearts, is full of joy and victory and deeper meaning. This is definitely something I want to live in, to drown in.

2. Keep dreaming! I'm not going to fantasize about how happy I would be, if only this or that happened, but I'm going to choose to walk through life with a dreamy glow around the edges. The ordinary stairs I claim every morning to the practice rooms on the 5th floor turn into graceful steps ascending into the heavens, bringing me closer to the beauty and creativity I know are waiting for me inside those little cubicles. See? It's all better already.

I'll keep you updated! :)

Today's a Special Day!

it's 10-10-10.

That makes me super happy.

What a Wonderful Day!

Even my 7:30 class was fantastic this morning, because we were talking about personality types and that's just so fascinating! I'm an ENFJ, and it turns out all the girls I sit around at choir are ENFJs too - no wonder we all get along. So yeah, lots of fun discussion in that class, bright and early as it was.

Theory class was difficult, as we tried to analyze secondary German, French, and Italian Augmented Sixth chords in inversion in *real music.* My brain still hurts from that part. I love theory because it's so interesting and intellectual, but it's really, really difficult.

And then, raptures of raptures!! I had a voice lesson with Sarah Jane McMahon! She's in town to sing Mabel with the Arizona Opera, and she's just fabulous. I love her voice to death, and she's so sweet, kind, and humble, despite her flowering career that brings her into contact with the greats like Placido Domingo. The lesson was so informative, and I feel like I sang really well.

Unfortunately, my iPod seems to have turned itself off halfway through the lesson, so I'm not sure if I got a recording of it. That would quite literally be a tragedy, so I'm putting off plugging the iPod in to my computer to see if I can coax it to give me something good. I hope I managed to record at least part of it.

Then we had this Finnish composer Jaakko Mäntyjärvi come hear our choir sing at school, and then he gave us a little talk afterwards with some Q and A time. How fascinating! We're singing some of his works next semester, and I'm really thrilled.

So combine all that with a great movement class and time with my best friend.... and yeah, that makes for a pretty fantastic day.

God is so good! I mean, He would be good regardless of my bad days or good days, but I really like that He's choosing to show me His goodness by pouring out all these blessings on me. It's definitely a very fun way to learn about His abundant grace and mercy.

When I'm Heartsore

Do bouts of heartsickness come with this age? The tangy, dreamy kind of ache that settles deep inside; the restless kind of longing that yearns for something - something more, something greater.

The only way I know how to deal with is it to run to my upright and sing old jazz songs.

I think it's part of being young, and in love with life but not with anyone in particular. I'm so glad to be alive, maybe especially because being alive means feeling things so deeply.

And isn't it romantic? Merely to be young on such a night as this?

Hello, October!

Usually I don't pay much attention to the month of October. I mean, September has my birthday and the beginning of school, and November heralds in the holiday season and cooler weather. October has to be endured... one more month of 100 degree heat before the welcome winter comes.

But this year... I don't know. I mean to make much of my October. You see, I want to start living more intentionally. Be bold in my friendships, but in a Christ-centered boldness, not out of a desperate need for human affirmation. I want to take risks in my performing - to sing and act and dance and never be afraid. So this October, as I have my first ASU choir concerts, begin rehearsals for Secret Garden, and settle into small groups at school and church, my aim is to offer each moment to God's service.

I'm excited to see what this month holds!

Of Twirling Turtles

So, I like to twirl on sidewalks when I'm walking around school. Every now and then, the sky is so perfectly beautiful or I'm just so happy to be alive, that I get all romantically and give a little twirl for the heck of it.

But today I twirled around and there was totally someone walking right behind me. Awkward turtles all around. LOL!

A Whirlwind of Magic!

What a wonderful life mine has been! Just today, I got a backstage tour of Young Frankenstein (which is playing at Gammage), plus free tickets to see it tonight! And tomorrow, we have a dance masterclass with the cast. Super exciting stuff!

But besides that ... I'm making friends, and had dinner with a delightful girl who's in 4 of my classes this semester. I'm learning a lot, practicing a lot, hanging on to my grades by the skin of my teeth, and so pumped to start rehearsals for Secret Garden on Monday.

My days are packed from the time I get up (which is guiltily around 7:00 these days - though my alarm goes off a good hour before I actually tumble out of bed) to the time I go to bed, usually around 11:00. My dad commented that it was like full-time Interlochen, and it so is. Concerts every weekend, recitals/convocations during the week, choir, show rehearsals, theory class... and all the instrumentals walking around blowing on things! I had to wait a while for a practice room today, and I just loved studying to the cacophony of music streaming from all the little cubicles.

I still don't know about a 10 year plan, or about making money and paying bills, but I do know that being a music major is amazing in every way.

With a heart full of gratitude, I'm off to catch a few hours of sleep :)

I'm Back :)

So... Germany...

My prolonged absence is really quite inexcusable. I'm very sorry. Somehow, blogging is a discipline that gets quickly thrown by the wayside as soon as anything else comes up to interfere. But, I have given up facebook for at least the next month and a half, so Starry Wonders will again become the way I communicate with the online world.

Germany was incredible, but I feel like to recap it would be kind of odd at this point. So call me if you want specifics :)

Now, it's almost October, and I've settled into life as a college student here at my crazy campus. My days are so full of learning and working hard, meeting new people and developing older friendships, learning about God, and learning about myself, too. I've grown so much as a person since I started this blog however long ago, and I'm excited to see where God takes me next!

I wanted to share with all of you a beautiful new habit I've adopted thanks to my hilarious friend S. Every day, we make a point of recalling the "happinesses" that have happened during the day, and we text them to each other. It has so helped to keep me from being discouraged or mopey as I struggle with some of the harder aspects of transitioning to college. You should give it a try!

So today, my happiness list is this:

- A really fun dance session in class today

- Going to pass out fliers about our Crisis Pregnancy Center at a highschool football game

- Hugs from friends

- A light load of homework for the weekend!

What's yours?

Transcending Straight Lines

I'm a little embarrassed it's been so long! Many apologies! The past few weeks of have been simply a whirlwind - graduation ceremonies, parties, finals, packing, and so much more. But the whirlwind has picked me up and blown me away... and I have landed again in Charlotte, North Carolina.

And thus begins the Germany adventure! I'm all by my lonesome, and I'm playing at being a grown-up. Or maybe, this time, I really am one.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now - trepidation, mostly, because I'm worried I don't know my music well enough. Actually, I could probably find my roll-up piano and practice a little bit in a second. Excitement, too, because it's Germany! And because I love traveling in general - especially when airports are involved. Anxiety, because I have a lot to keep track of and I'm afraid I'll miss something very important. Blessedness, because I know what an incredible chance this is to gallivant about and sing in a faraway land.

My poet-friend Lady Durer set me a beautiful letter yesterday, and in it she said that "straight lines can always be transcended." What an incredible thought. There are a lot of straight lines that dictate how life "should" be. We've all heard the stereotypes, the typical way of doing things. But really, wouldn't life be so much more wonderful if we had the courage to overcome the rules and expectations? Not to simply ignore them, to thoughtlessly rebel, but to transcend. To me, that's what Jesus is all about. He didn't just give rules, and He didn't tell us to disregard all the previous rules... He gives us the ability to transcend rules.

So this summer, I want to walk right through the straight lines that confine. I want to live a free life, a beautiful life, a Jesus-filled life, a responsible life, and a songful life.

Here's to Germany, land of green hills and cold weather! Here's to living a life that is beyond expectations!

Just Like Noah

My adorable friend Megan had a cute idea for a blog post, and I'm copying :) So here's a list of "twos":

Two Books I Want to Read:

- The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. Sociology is so fascinating, and I'd love to understand the whys behind some cultural trends.

- Jonathan Edward's "Resolutions." Jonathan Edwards is a pretty well-known American revivalist of the 18th century, and when he was a teenager, he came up with a list of statements he desired to exemplify with his life. So God-centered, inspiring, and challenging.

Two New Favorite Bands:

- Ok, she's not really a band, but Ingrid Michaelson has recently caught my attention. Her lyrics are so thoughtful, and her cool sound is relaxing and fresh.

- Again, not really a band, but the Christian rap artist Lecrae has got some pretty chill stuff. Gotta love when a rap artist starts throwing in words like 'election' and 'steward'

Two Words that Describe Life Right Now:

- Culmination: All my childhood years are rushing up together in this one point. I've had a lot of lasts recently - last time singing on my worship team at church, last time volunteering at Pennington, last piano lesson, etc. It's been a fantastic time growing up, but it's a little weird to leave it behind.

- Preparation: At the same time, I have so much to look forward to in the future, with Germany and ASU and adult life.

Two Things I Should Be Doing:

- Studying

- Cleaning the bathroom

(see why I'm not?)

Two Things I Will Be Doing

- Studying :D

- I'm going to a play tonight at a local Christian high school! Yay!

Two Things That Made Me Smile:

- I bought my stage makeup! Cream foundation and Victorian Rose blush... all für mich!

- I spent the afternoon with my lovely mom and we laughed so hard. I love her.

Two Other Blogs You Should Check Out:

- girltalkhome.com: It's a fun blog for women, with convicting theology too.

- ladydurerscanvas.blogspot.com: My fantastic friend and her poetical musings. She has such a way with words!

Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch...

Open wide - breath in - inhale German.

That's pretty much my life right now: between lieder, my Bastien music, and prepping for my German final/oral final, I feel like I'm living German! Which is probably good - and actually, I should probably find ways to immerse myself even more in the language before I'm dumped in the country and left to fend for myself. I'm doing really well understanding conversations in German, but my vocabulary is so limited that I have a hard time coming up with my own phrases.

I don't know if you can tell from the picture I posted a couple weeks ago, but my hair is ridiculously, abnormally long, and I really need a cut. I'm trying to decide if I want to get highlights (yes, but is really a smart thing to do?), who I want to get my cut from, how much I want to spend, etc etc... I've been polling all my friends for advice, and they're pretty evenly split. I have to get it worked out in the next week or so before things get really tight before I leave :)

Music-wise, I'm currently prepping a Debussy Arabesque and a Rach prelude for my last piano recital, a musical theater piece for a fun workshop/coaching/recital extravangza at CC#1 next week, three pieces for juries at CC#1, three or four lieder for Germany, my Bastien music, "party" songs to bring to Germany, and... *inhale*. Actually I think that's it. I'm crunching right now as far as solidifying the technical elements of all of them, and am about half way memorized. What's kind of aggravating is that my teachers are all pushing me to focus on expression, on what message I want to communicate through my singing/playing. I just want to scream that I have NOTHING to say anymore at this point! I'm just focusing on surviving! I have no deep metaphysical thoughts that are dying to be expressed through music. I guess this is when I manufacture such interesting thinks?

Oh, and then I watched myself in a mirror today while emoting my "Light in the Piazza" song, and I kind of scared myself.... I have huge eyes and very jumpy, very thick eyebrows, and with all the contortions I worked my face into, it was a little creepy. Maybe I should tone down the facial expressions...

On Stars and Dreams

I had a lazy weekend this weekend. I had a lazy weekend last weekend too. I just don't want to work anymore, I don't want to practice, I don't want to prep for Germany... I just want to sleep, or read, or goof off online.

That's bad, huh? :)

I think part of it is because I'm realizing how far away I am from the stars I so fondly call my own. Just like everybody, I have my fair share of big fat dreams that I hope to someday see in reality. But right now, they seem miles and miles away... and I'm despairing of ever getting there.

I'm pretty sure most of it is good old senioritis, and that come next week, I'll be feeling more like my peppy, hardworking self again. Until then... I guess I'll just make sure I pick good books to read?

Crunch Time!

So, I officially leave the country in 5 weeks. Oh. my. goodness.

You wouldn't believe the amount of things I'm going to do between then and now! Just little things, like graduating (+ grad party). Or vocal juries at the community college. And finals. Oh, and buying stage makeup for myself. And learning my opera. And dialogue {in German}.

How exciting! I get all hyper just reading that list. Ok, slightly nervous and stressed too. But mostly excited. I started memorizing my Bastien music today, and read through the dialogue a couple times... maybe I should be further along in the process? I have no clue. It's all firsts for me!

And my German homework is staring at me right now, looking so lonely and neglected that I really should pick it up. So tschüss!

Elegant Life

I secretly lurk fashion blogs.

sssh.

I just love living in style - approaching each day with elegance and deliberation. To me, carefully choosing my clothing helps me to remember to keep each day grounded in order and beauty. And that's not a terrible thing at all.

And today, while browsing the Sartorialist, I stumbled across these two images:

Aren't they delicious? I love the easy way they wear what we would now call formal clothes. This man and this woman just inhabit elegance, embracing respectability and presentability. And they give off such a demure, well-collected aura.

This is how I want to live life - calm, peaceful, and beautiful.

It's a most wonderful time of the year

So, wearing long skirts on rainy days with gentle breezes: definitely a yes. So romantical.

In honor of the beautiful spring weather, I wrote a poem! Here it is:

It's a silly time of year,

Raindrops dancing from clouds so sheer.

Boing! You can't help but laugh along,

As the sky sings its Spring-time song.

Somedays it's chilly, sometimes it's hot,

And inevitably you dress for what it's not.

But splashing in puddles and warming in sunshine,

Make March and April favorite months of mine.

Summer is nice with swimming and all,

But the giggles of Spring so loudly call!

When else can you skip and jump and hop,

And never worry about needing to stop?

Cause springy air makes everyone happy,

So here's to Spring, when no one can feel crappy.

:) Hope you have a day full of laughter and niceness.

Wonderland

sometimes i've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast ...

here's to the impossible!

Senior Picture - 2010

Taken by my lovely, and very talented, friend Kate.