I thank you God for this most amazing day

There is so much leaping greenly, dreams of skies, and a big old infinite YES! happening around here right now. The weather is absolutely perfect, the sunsets getting prettier each day, and my E flat has come in for the past 3 days in a row now!

I got to sing at the Kerr Cultural Center today for an appreciative audience that liked whatever noises came out of our throats - the best kind, in my opinion! I like singing.

My show is soo amazing - I've never been in a show of this quality before, and each night of tech rehearsals, some new magical elements is added. The lights, the costumes, the period hairstyles, the orchestra - it's all coming together and I'm so excited. I sit backstage most of the show helping to move sets around, and it's a really fun way to get my feet wet in this whole being-in-a-show-at-ASU business.

I pray at school every Monday with people from my choir, and it's such a taste of heaven. I love talking to God with other people. Yay for the body of Christ!

And, I got a mini-solo in my choir at school! It's all of four notes long, but it's really pretty and I'm super excited. And nervous. But mostly excited.

For I am a human merely being... and it's so marvelous.

(thank you ee cummings for beautiful words)

Life!

I love weddings.

I love the pretty dresses (and funky shoes), and beautiful music - I love the older generations blessing the new marriage. I love celebrating love and commitment. I love the awkward moments and how everyone is so quick to laugh, and so quick to cry.

So yeah, I went to a wedding on Friday night and it was awesome. I hear wedding bells ringing in the next year or so for some of my closest friends, and I'm really excited. Eeee!

I'm not so thrilled about my music theory test that I took Friday morning. It was *so* hard. Really, teacher, 3 enharmonic modulations for a total of 4 key centers all in a one page excerpt?

Other than that, school is going really well. I'm super excited for next semester, because I have almost all of my afternoons free. Super cool.

So yup, life is good, God is good, music is good. Peace out!

Sound Bite

From a dancer in the tour of Beauty and the Beast that is currently playing at Gammage, and who so kindly came and gave an artist talk to us LOT folks:

"In order to be a public success, you must first be a public failure."

That gives me so much courage as I slog through my intro to dance class, and as I try to come up with a decent sounding belt/mix. It's ok to make mistakes and humiliate myself - that's kind of what school is for! And... I totally did embarrass myself today in dance class... when the teacher stops counting the combo to laugh at you, you know you're looking pretty crazy. :D

What a Wonderful Day!

Even my 7:30 class was fantastic this morning, because we were talking about personality types and that's just so fascinating! I'm an ENFJ, and it turns out all the girls I sit around at choir are ENFJs too - no wonder we all get along. So yeah, lots of fun discussion in that class, bright and early as it was.

Theory class was difficult, as we tried to analyze secondary German, French, and Italian Augmented Sixth chords in inversion in *real music.* My brain still hurts from that part. I love theory because it's so interesting and intellectual, but it's really, really difficult.

And then, raptures of raptures!! I had a voice lesson with Sarah Jane McMahon! She's in town to sing Mabel with the Arizona Opera, and she's just fabulous. I love her voice to death, and she's so sweet, kind, and humble, despite her flowering career that brings her into contact with the greats like Placido Domingo. The lesson was so informative, and I feel like I sang really well.

Unfortunately, my iPod seems to have turned itself off halfway through the lesson, so I'm not sure if I got a recording of it. That would quite literally be a tragedy, so I'm putting off plugging the iPod in to my computer to see if I can coax it to give me something good. I hope I managed to record at least part of it.

Then we had this Finnish composer Jaakko Mäntyjärvi come hear our choir sing at school, and then he gave us a little talk afterwards with some Q and A time. How fascinating! We're singing some of his works next semester, and I'm really thrilled.

So combine all that with a great movement class and time with my best friend.... and yeah, that makes for a pretty fantastic day.

God is so good! I mean, He would be good regardless of my bad days or good days, but I really like that He's choosing to show me His goodness by pouring out all these blessings on me. It's definitely a very fun way to learn about His abundant grace and mercy.

When I'm Heartsore

Do bouts of heartsickness come with this age? The tangy, dreamy kind of ache that settles deep inside; the restless kind of longing that yearns for something - something more, something greater.

The only way I know how to deal with is it to run to my upright and sing old jazz songs.

I think it's part of being young, and in love with life but not with anyone in particular. I'm so glad to be alive, maybe especially because being alive means feeling things so deeply.

And isn't it romantic? Merely to be young on such a night as this?

A Whirlwind of Magic!

What a wonderful life mine has been! Just today, I got a backstage tour of Young Frankenstein (which is playing at Gammage), plus free tickets to see it tonight! And tomorrow, we have a dance masterclass with the cast. Super exciting stuff!

But besides that ... I'm making friends, and had dinner with a delightful girl who's in 4 of my classes this semester. I'm learning a lot, practicing a lot, hanging on to my grades by the skin of my teeth, and so pumped to start rehearsals for Secret Garden on Monday.

My days are packed from the time I get up (which is guiltily around 7:00 these days - though my alarm goes off a good hour before I actually tumble out of bed) to the time I go to bed, usually around 11:00. My dad commented that it was like full-time Interlochen, and it so is. Concerts every weekend, recitals/convocations during the week, choir, show rehearsals, theory class... and all the instrumentals walking around blowing on things! I had to wait a while for a practice room today, and I just loved studying to the cacophony of music streaming from all the little cubicles.

I still don't know about a 10 year plan, or about making money and paying bills, but I do know that being a music major is amazing in every way.

With a heart full of gratitude, I'm off to catch a few hours of sleep :)

Yes, please!

I just got back from a beautiful concert at ASU today: a piano professor collaborating with all kinds of different instruments, from strings, to woodwinds, to a soprano.

Can I say that I love Schumann? The elegance, the discipline, the delightful turns of phrase and the subtle emotions. And this might be weird, but I love hearing German diction. It's pretty incredible. So thank you, Carole Fitz-Patrick, for your lovely consonants and clear vowels.

Alright, now I'm definitely motivated to go practice - so I'll catch you later :)

Updates from Freiberg!

May 18, 2010: Well, I’m writing this on May 18^th at least, but I’m not sure when I’ll get internet, so who knows when you’ll be reading this?

I navigated the Frankfurt and Dresden airports alright, even though I accidently misplaced my baggage claim ticket. I guess that’s not the smartest thing to do… But anyway, the car ride from Dresden to Freiberg was “so schön,” or very pretty, and I chatted in German with the lady who drove me. I’m actually very proud of my German skills thus far, although my vocabulary is super limited.

My apartment is so cute! It’s really rather big, with three bedrooms, a spacious living room and dining room, a fun little kitchen, and of course a bathroom. I’m sharing my room with another girl, but she’s neater than I am and really sweet. Actually, all three of my suitemates are very gracious and kind, even though they’re all considerably older than me. And they’re all so talented! It’s such a privilege to be spending so much time with such serious, talented, dedicated artist. Some of them are launching their careers, and it’s enlightening to hear them chat about audition tours, etc.

We all rented little bikes to get around with, and mine is super cute. It’s old-fashioned, light blue, and has a little bell to ring in case someone gets in my way. How fun is that? And when I ride on the cobblestone streets – which actually is the majority of the roads inside of the town – it rattles so satisfyingly. I’m so out of shape that I can’t even make it up some of the hills, but hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be more acclimated.

Speaking of acclimation, the weather is so different here! It’s freezing! We had chilly wind and rain today, and I definitely needed my soprano scarf and big jacket. Our poor program director is scared sick that one of us will catch a cold because we’re not bundled up tightly enough. I do need to buy a pair of gloves, because my hands on the bike do get pretty cold.

May 20, 2010: Well, no steady internet connection yet, so you’ll get two days in a row! J Today was lovely – yesterday was absolutely frigid, and no fun at all. It didn’t rain that much today, just sort of gently misted and lightly shrouded the gorgeous views. And, it was a lot warmer, thank heavens.

I had only two musical rehearsals today. I have a lot less to do than a lot of the older singers who are playing lead roles in Zauberflöte, but my two today were lots of fun. In the morning we went through some of the chorus parts for the finale of Flute, and it was so funny to watch grown ladies play with each other from across the wings just like American high school students. Everything was in German, though, so I didn’t really understand much. Then this afternoon I had 2 hours of coaching on Bastien with the other two people involved, and that was awesome! I love this mini-opera and I’m so close to having it memorized. Let me tell you, memorizing dialogue in another language is no easy business. And the funny thing is if I make a mistake, everyone but me will know!

Oh, and in other funny news, I found out an embarrassing mistake I was singing this whole time! It turns out the word “nacht” (meaning “night”) is very similar in pronunciation to another word (“nakt”) … and that other word means NAKED! Oh my goodness! This whole time I was singing about being naked! Our resident German bass had a good laugh at me.

Transcending Straight Lines

I'm a little embarrassed it's been so long! Many apologies! The past few weeks of have been simply a whirlwind - graduation ceremonies, parties, finals, packing, and so much more. But the whirlwind has picked me up and blown me away... and I have landed again in Charlotte, North Carolina.

And thus begins the Germany adventure! I'm all by my lonesome, and I'm playing at being a grown-up. Or maybe, this time, I really am one.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now - trepidation, mostly, because I'm worried I don't know my music well enough. Actually, I could probably find my roll-up piano and practice a little bit in a second. Excitement, too, because it's Germany! And because I love traveling in general - especially when airports are involved. Anxiety, because I have a lot to keep track of and I'm afraid I'll miss something very important. Blessedness, because I know what an incredible chance this is to gallivant about and sing in a faraway land.

My poet-friend Lady Durer set me a beautiful letter yesterday, and in it she said that "straight lines can always be transcended." What an incredible thought. There are a lot of straight lines that dictate how life "should" be. We've all heard the stereotypes, the typical way of doing things. But really, wouldn't life be so much more wonderful if we had the courage to overcome the rules and expectations? Not to simply ignore them, to thoughtlessly rebel, but to transcend. To me, that's what Jesus is all about. He didn't just give rules, and He didn't tell us to disregard all the previous rules... He gives us the ability to transcend rules.

So this summer, I want to walk right through the straight lines that confine. I want to live a free life, a beautiful life, a Jesus-filled life, a responsible life, and a songful life.

Here's to Germany, land of green hills and cold weather! Here's to living a life that is beyond expectations!

A Slap Upside the Head? Yes, please.

Thursday was my coaching with Tregony - which you all heard about. Then Friday came, and it was kind of a rough day. I was so filled with doubts about who I was as a singer, about if I could really achieve all these grand dreams, etc etc. Saturday morning was rough too, especially since my wonderful voice teacher Anne gave me a kind of scolding lecture to ward off potential misconduct. it was weird :P

I told God Friday night that I was trusting Him with my future, and if I wasn't supposed to be doing music, He really oughta let me know!

Saturday evening, I was so stressed out and just "off" trying to get ready to go for the concert, but somehow I pulled myself together in time. And... I don't know... but somehow God was really there for me all night. Waiting in the wings to go on, I practiced my enjoying the moment philosophy, and just invited God to come be my audience.

And it was such a good performance! Probably the best I've ever sung the piece. Marc Denton, who is head of the vocal department at cc#1, said some very complimentary things about what I did, and it was so encouraging.

You know, I may not be the next Broadway diva right now - I still have a lot of vocal problems and acting difficulties I need to work through. But I'm not terrible either. I think... I think I just need to cut out the melodrama, trust God that I'm in the right place for the moment, and keep plugging ahead.

So the next time I regale you with a tale of woe, slap me upside the head and tell me to go practice or something.

Brick Walls

Sorry for the long absence - life got crazy :) But I'm ba-ack!

Today I had the most incredible coaching session with Tregony Shepherd this afternoon. Like, wow. She toured with Les Mis and Phantom, and did Les Mis on Broadway too. Her whole body radiates theater - she moves, speaks, and communicates like a real actress. Which she is, so go figure. I felt her pixie dust flying around the room as she worked.

I was in tears a couple times this afternoon as she transformed the other singers' pieces. We have some great voices at cc#1, but she took a pretty voice and a nice song into either a heart-wrenching drama or a cute, hilarious comedy, depending on the situation.

Honestly, I was so disappointed in how I sang. I feel like my technical abilities/dramatic skills are so much greater when I'm not performing or nervous. Go figure, right? But my future career is supposed to be performing, so it's so frustrating when performing is difficult and not satisfying.

I feel like I have all these emotions and motivations and ideas bouncing in my head that I want to communicate, but there's this brick wall between me and my audience. I can feel the moment in the song when I hit the wall and I just bang against it for the rest of the piece - it's a terrible feeling.

Tregony did help me communicate better, but I still feel frustrated. I don't know what to do except keep practicing, but I'm looking forward to when I'll be able to sing and touch my audience and bring them to tears. Soon, I hope.

Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch...

Open wide - breath in - inhale German.

That's pretty much my life right now: between lieder, my Bastien music, and prepping for my German final/oral final, I feel like I'm living German! Which is probably good - and actually, I should probably find ways to immerse myself even more in the language before I'm dumped in the country and left to fend for myself. I'm doing really well understanding conversations in German, but my vocabulary is so limited that I have a hard time coming up with my own phrases.

I don't know if you can tell from the picture I posted a couple weeks ago, but my hair is ridiculously, abnormally long, and I really need a cut. I'm trying to decide if I want to get highlights (yes, but is really a smart thing to do?), who I want to get my cut from, how much I want to spend, etc etc... I've been polling all my friends for advice, and they're pretty evenly split. I have to get it worked out in the next week or so before things get really tight before I leave :)

Music-wise, I'm currently prepping a Debussy Arabesque and a Rach prelude for my last piano recital, a musical theater piece for a fun workshop/coaching/recital extravangza at CC#1 next week, three pieces for juries at CC#1, three or four lieder for Germany, my Bastien music, "party" songs to bring to Germany, and... *inhale*. Actually I think that's it. I'm crunching right now as far as solidifying the technical elements of all of them, and am about half way memorized. What's kind of aggravating is that my teachers are all pushing me to focus on expression, on what message I want to communicate through my singing/playing. I just want to scream that I have NOTHING to say anymore at this point! I'm just focusing on surviving! I have no deep metaphysical thoughts that are dying to be expressed through music. I guess this is when I manufacture such interesting thinks?

Oh, and then I watched myself in a mirror today while emoting my "Light in the Piazza" song, and I kind of scared myself.... I have huge eyes and very jumpy, very thick eyebrows, and with all the contortions I worked my face into, it was a little creepy. Maybe I should tone down the facial expressions...

Introducing: Bastienne

I got my music for Germany! I'll be playing Bastienne in Mozart's one-act opera Bastien and Bastienne. He wrote it - get this - when he was all of 12 years old.

No wonder we call him an prodigy.

It's a common opera for very young singers to do, as the music lays in a very comfortable part of the singers' ranges, and is not taxing or really very difficult. It's all in German, and (like the Magic Flute) has spoken dialogue as well. So yeah, memorizing lines in German... that will be new.

Actually, this is the most amount of solo music I've ever had to memorize. I'm a little nervous - all that German, all those cues to remember, and all that singing to do all in a row! I mean, this is nothing compared to full-length, serious opera, but it's my first baby step.

But I'm super excited. I emailed in my measurements, etc to the costuming people over in Germany - they're already going to start making my costume! This is going to be so incredible. I can't wait.

On Tip Toe (and an update)

A new poem I wrote in German class last night!

The starry dreams of flickering skies,
shine so bright in your sea-foam eyes.
Staring into a wide, wild night,
the wonder in your face brings light.
Dance and laugh, sweet child of song,
And with your love make the world grow strong.

In other news, we have just two shows left of Pirates, both this coming Friday. We have been sold out for about half the shows, and about half full for the others. It's been so fun, and the audience just loves it. I love it too :)

We did pictures yesterday afternoon, so hopefully I'll get my hands on a few and I can post some!

Poem! (not by me)

My family was re-reading some children's books last night, and I stumbled across this poem that made me so happy inside. It's by Debby Boone.

Singing

Attention, all children! Now hear what I say:
Make sure that you've done enough singing today!

You've heard the old saying 'bout an apple a day
Well, singing can help in a different sort of way.

'Cause singing makes you feel really good deep inside,
So good that you'll smile and get all google-eyed.

You don't need a piano or need a great voice,
All you need is a song (and that's a matter of choice)

Sing songs that are happy, sing songs that are fun
Sing songs that you know, (or just write yourself one)

All children the world over: It's my wish and my prayer
That you sing more and more till your songs fill the air!

Another Opening of Another Show!

"I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes." ~ ee cummings

I'm thanking God today for legs that can dance and jump, for a voice that can sing and shout, for eyes that can see and perceive, and for a heart that can love and enjoy. I'm thanking Him for bright lights in my face, for a mic by my mouth, for a costume on my body, and for fake curls in my hair.

"I imagine that yes is the only living thing." ~ ee cummings

Singing. Dancing. Acting.

Yes.

I feel alive - so alive, so happy. (so tired)

And I get to do it all again tonight.

Redeemed: what if?

"Eric, you are the proud possessor of many gifts. It is your sacred duty to put them to good use. Don't compromise. Compromise is the language of the devil. Run in God's name, and let the world stand back in wonder." ~ Chariots of Fire

This is my heart's cry, not for myself, but for the Christian artist everywhere. I have a vision I like to call "redeemed" ... a vision of a music world and a theater scene brought into submission to God's principles, and thus liberated to touch humanity in the deepest and most lasting ways possible.

A vibrant community of talented artists, hot in the pursuit of excellence, skilled and gifted - and with Truth to share. Their message is not always pretty, not always clean and tidy, but it is accurate, desperate to accurately represent the deeper spiritual principles that underly the sensuality and physicality of the tangible world around us.

And when we rise up together, carrying the banner of true freedom, true passion, and true ecstasy, what else can the world do, but fall back in wonder?

For the love of theater

more run-throughs.

more sore feet.

more giggles backstage.

more surreptitious naps when I'm not otherwise occupied.

more love. more laughter. more life.

I love this. I really do. And I'm exhausted... so tired. But I have promises to keep/and miles to go before I sleep...

Why would i want to sleep, anyway, when living is so wonderful?

The roar of greasepaint and the smell of the crowd

Theater magic.

There's a boy in my cast at school who has magic. The kind of magic that makes you stop and look, that makes you laugh hysterically, that makes you feel from the bottom of your heart. And as a cast member, I can watch as the magic is born. A simple direction like "stand here, then walk to this point at measure 13" is turned into a hilarious routine promising to steal the show.

Make-believe magic.

I watched an old Judy Garland and Gene Kelly movie tonight. They had magic too.

Sometimes, I think I have magic.

That's a big claim. So I just whisper it to myself. Magic.

And it's not all the time. But every now and then, I will sing something, or look something, or say something, and I can feel the magic. Today, for four bars of my intro music at a studio class at school, I had magic. I'm savoring it, storing it up for when tech rehearsals are painful and my feet hurt from prancing about stage.

I'm singing a song for voice lessons right now called "The Light in the Piazza." Watch this video of it, and you will see the magic I'm talking about. But be careful.

Theater magic, once tasted, won't ever let you go.

Audition: Check

Well, it's over. I've auditioned.

And it feels so good!! I just got back from a trip with my little brother to indulge in one of the most-forbidden foods for singers - ice cream! What a nice reward for all my hard work.

The audition itself was only 10 minutes long, though I was at the school for around 4 hours this afternoon. Lots of anxious waiting! It was a day full of God-moments, from praying in the car with my dad before we stepped foot onto the campus, to finding out my collaborative pianist is a Christian, to the encouraging texts my friends kept sending me.

Right before I entered the audition room, I remembered a quote my dear friend JG had sent me a few weeks ago - "Enjoy this moment: this moment is your life." I breathed in for a moment, relishing my nerves and the excitement and the thrill of it all. Then, I breathed out and walked into the recital hall, where I sang my little heart out for a few minutes.

The sightsinging test did not go so smashingly, but the rhythm test did go quite well.

I feel peaceful, fulfilled, and content. Even if nothing comes of it all, what a wonderful experience. What a wonderful moment. I plan on savoring it for the rest of my life.